Do you know for certain who you’ll connect with? No. So just try.
You never know who might shed light in a new way. Be open to it.
I barely know her and yet she somehow let me open up.
There’s a woman who used to work for my mother-in-law who now works with the elderly. She still comes around the house weekly as she and my MIL have known each other for decades and they’re old friends. We say hello to each other and she’s very friendly and a caring person. But I wasn’t ready for the conversation we were about to have.
If you don’t start the conversation, you’re not going to have the conversation.
She asked how my mother was doing now two months after my father’s passing. I said that I wasn’t sure, but that I thought she was doing OK and was trying to get going on the rest of her life. She then asked me how I was doing and it kind of took me by surprise as I don’t get asked that question often and also the timing was somehow just right. My MIL and wife are in town, my kids are glued to their iPads, and we were alone while she was making the bed.
I can’t explain it when you just have a feeling that you can open up to someone. I could have just said, “I’m doing OK.” and moved along. But as I danced around the topic a little bit, she went right for the jugular. She said that what I had was a gift. I now had my father’s unconditional love directly to me, not filtered by my sister or mother, but all for me. Not that it’s only for me, he now has so much that he can share, but the love that he has for me is so pure and clean and clear. It’s like a direct connection that’s not impeded by anything any longer.
She guessed correctly that my father and I had a very close relationship and that were also good friends who shared more than just the football scores.
I explained that I dreamt of my father and also just as I was going to sleep and just as I was waking up, I saw him and even had (something of) conversations with him. But that he was a little different. He was lighter, more joking, more confident. He wasn’t a clown, but just had an air about him that we ruled the world and it was ours for the taking. We’re not in a hurry and we’ll enjoy every moment together.
He’s no longer physically here, but somehow we’ll have an even stronger bond. He literally reaches for my hand and holds on. I told her that I almost don’t dare say this, but I’m really excited about our new relationship. It’s limitless, there are no boundaries and we’ll have fun building an even stronger connection.
Yes, I’d rather have him here physically. I’m going to miss him terribly when we’re back on US soil in a few days. In fact, I’m scared of returning for that reason alone. But he is gone and if we’re going to make the most of it, then let’s make the most of it. He’d want nothing else. He’s excited about the future and so am I.
She wanted me to write about my new relationship with my dad to let others know that they’re not crazy if they have something similar. In fact, to revel in it, to relish the unknown of the future of it. Maybe not everyone has it, I don’t know, but if there are some out there that do, they’d probably like to hear about others who have a similar experience.
It’s not going to be a fair fight. It’s 2 against 1. I now have my dad on my side and everything that he ever learned and anything that he would still like to.
With everything I’m planning on doing in this second half of my life, I feel that I now have someone at my side who’s there to help me, to guide me, to push me and just to be there. I can ask him questions and he seems to know more than he ever did. I get to help us live the lives that we haven’t lived yet.
I say that and immediately think that I’d sure rather do it when he was here, but this will have to do. We’re going to make the most of it and in fact, it’s going to be more than most, it’s going to be tremendous.