Whatever you do, don’t make popcorn in the urinal.

Before you address the issue, be sure there’s an issue.

Are the urinals you visit, dear male readers, full of, I don’t know, stuff? Not just the little sharp-smelling pucks of formaldehyde, but maybe checker board pieces, dice or triangles of Laughing Cow cheese? Maybe I go to the wrong urinals, but I haven’t noticed. Is it such a problem? Such a problem that the management had to create this sign?

Let’s review the process for creating this sign.

1. People dropped insane amounts of square and circular objects into the urinal.
2. Hordes of people complained about the obstructions (only men, only those annoyed enough to file complaints).
3. Management weighed the issue, had meetings, and voted to move forward.
4. Submitted the proposal to the sign company.
5. Received bid, complete with mockup drawing.
6. Reviewed drawing, voted that the squares and circles were appropriate. Felt that they didn’t need any more clarification or maybe some arrows showing objects going into urinals. (No, that’s it! Maybe people are STEALING the formaldehyde blocks out of the urinals!)
7. Purchased and installed signs at all bathrooms on the property.

What would the alternative have been? Maybe just clean out the urinals more often? I’d guess that there are cleaners in there on a regular basis, maybe they could scoop out the objects?

But, if #6 above is true, maybe there needs to be a more permanent way to keep the urinals smelling fresh. If it’s a theft ring, maybe bring in the proper authorities and organize a sting operation.

• Don’t put ice cubes in the urinal.
• Don’t steal the fresh-smelling pucks out of the urinal.
• Don’t pop popcorn in the urinals.
• OK, OK, it’s probably, don’t throw stuff into the urinal.

Maybe making a sign was the easiest option. Maybe now that there’s an official sign, they can prosecute the offenders to the fullest extent of the law but had there been no sign, they couldn’t have taken any action.

This must be it. It’s just the smallest step in a huge operation that I have no idea about. I should just keep my crazy ideas to myself and let the professionals do their job. Face forward, do your business, don’t ask questions.