My Good Habit is Becoming a Bad Habit

I know I write better in the mornings … but I’m not doing it until evenings.

Hmm, why am I putting it off? Why am I not getting to it? It’s becoming something of a chore, but it’s weird, I still really enjoy doing it–even in the evenings. In fact, it makes it more difficult because I know I’m not as sharp, awake, motivated, which makes it more of a challenge … and I’m always up for a challenge.

But I don’t like that I’m just getting it done to get it done. I know I have to do it, I’m such a stickler for rules that I will do it everyday, that’s my rule and I won’t break it until I saw it’s OK to break it. I’m not there yet.

I have to admit that it’s been something of a proof of my deep infatuation with writing as I’ll sit down at the end of the night, know I have to get my post out, start with … nothing and come up with something. To use an overused word, it’s magical. To create something from nothing when you don’t feel like creating nothing or something is … fun, addictive and even empowering. To be sure, it’s not always award winning, but occasionally a diamond is pressed out of the coal and we’re back to, “If you write 100 pieces, 1 is going to be excellent, but if you write zero pieces, zero are going to be excellent.”

What surprises me is how just starting with words, just a few, builds into something. I can imagine the same with painting or writing music: you just get started and see where it takes you. Hmm, maybe this is a challenge in itself as a writing exercise: how to start with nothing (or maybe a little something e.g. a photo) and just go, just see where it takes you. You have 15 minutes or need 500 words or whatever. No rules, just go, just write.

Now I just go to bed, just sleep.