I’m going to Spain for the weekend and I’m not going to apologize.
When things just keep getting better and better, should you wait up for those who aren’t quite keeping up?
Maybe it’s the modesty of the Dutch in me.
Wait, I’m not actually Dutch.
- Maybe I’m just so inclusive and I want the best for everyone? Blah! Gag!
- Maybe I don’t quite know how to deal with success?
- Maybe I don’t want to leave people behind?
It’s like the shackles are coming off. The chains are loosening and I’m coming into who I know I am. I’m basically a rocket and I can’t be stopped. I hear you, “Yeah, whatever writer guy.”
But I get a little tired of “coming down to the level” where other people are. I just reread that sentence and it sounds like I’m a terrible person. It’s odd, but my intentions are precisely the opposite. I feel that the further I go, the stronger I rise up, the more I can help anyone who wants to join me.
I don’t mean economically or successfully or much else tangible. It’s more just that I’m flying high, I’m happy, I’m inquisitive, I’m curious, I love learning, Every Single Day is an adventure and I feel like a kid. I don’t want to come down and I only want people to come up and join me. There’s plenty of room up here.
I would say that I don’t know what happened, but I do know what happened. I’ve found my way.
So I’m going to southern Spain tomorrow. For the weekend. For a birthday party. I just like the sound of all of that. It sounds glamorous and worldly and exciting. The ticket cost €107.
I think I like the part where the life I’m leading is the one I want to lead. I don’t have regrets, worries or even many concerns. Sure, things could speed up, but I know they’ll arrive. I’m enjoying the trip.
See? I just felt it. A pang of I need to explain myself. I need to prove that I’ve earned this. But a larger and larger part of me no longer cares what people think or how I got where I am or even that I care where I am. To quote a not-yet-famous philosopher:
I knew where I wanted to be and for the first time in a long time, it was where I already was. — Where I Am
I feel that even though I’m writing about not apologizing and not having to prove my position, by writing this, I’m doing just that. Ach, but does it matter? See note above about not caring what other people think. Maybe I shouldn’t even care what I think.
Maybe I should just keep Writing Every Day and see where that takes me. Besides, I’m just getting warmed up.